Recently, I’ve had a few exes popping up in my consciousness, whether it being a random text message, a Facebook post I notice, weird dreams, or something that triggers the odd memory. For whatever reason (or all those reasons), they’re there.
When I was telling my friend about this and about how nearly all of them are either married or in long term relationships and some are even expecting, she asked me if it made me feel old and sad.
It didn’t take me long to think about it and give her an answer. I absolutely do not feel old and sad about it. In fact, I feel proud of myself as a person.
Having my heart broken in the past didn’t hold me back. Instead it pushed me to get to know myself better, to evaluate exactly who I am, to be a better person, and exactly what I’m looking for in a life partner.
Do I feel old and sad that it isn’t me settling down with any one of the men from my past? Would I want to live a life struggling financially living with my mother-in-law? Would I want to be married to a serial cheater wondering about him every time he left the house? Would I want to spend my life with a religious zealot afraid of any thought that might be even a little bit different from his own?
I guess you could say that I know I’m better off having lived my life on my terms, making my own mistakes. Things might not be perfect in my life, but I’m much happier struggling financially living with The Beau, a man who loves me for me and is open to new adventures, than I ever would be with any of my exes. After all, there are reasons they are exes.
Do I feel old and sad about my exes? Not in the least. I feel like I’ve truly lived and I’m the happiest I’ve been yet.