The other day The Beau and I were hanging out with some of my friends, Mr. and Mrs. Lovebird. (They’re called The Lovebirds because they are the cutest, most romantic, lovey-dovey, make-you-want-to-puke-on-cuteness-overload couple in existence.)
This was an especially exciting meeting for me because I had not gotten to see The Lovebirds in years. In fact, it was the first time that I got to meet Baby Lovebird, and he’s going on three. So now that we’ve established that I’m a terrible friend who never sees the people she’s close to, let’s talk about the double date The Beau and I shared with The Lovebirds.
It started out normal enough. Grandma Lovebird agreed to watch Baby Lovebird, so the two couples wandered off to a kitschy hipster restaurant. (Let me just give a shout-out to the Korean Gyros, because that dish was da bomb! And The Beau’s Chicken and Waffle Sandwich, mmm mmm mmmmmmm!)
It was great getting to catch up with Mrs. Lovebird and I was really happy to see Mr. Lovebird and The Beau hit it off (they’re both nerds). We talked about all the things we’d missed over the past couple of years and all the things to come.
Eventually it was time for us to walk back to Grandma Lovebird’s house when Mr. Lovebird suggested we make a pit stop. At a sex store.
Mrs. Lovebird was endearingly awkward about it (but hey, it’s not like we think Baby Lovebird was actually delivered by the stork), while Mr. Lovebird and The Beau were a little bit too excited, if you ask me. Of course they ended up convincing us, otherwise this post would not be happening.
We walked up to the store, which had formerly been a cutesy souvenir boutique that I had frequented before. Now all the windows were tinted so you couldn’t see in and the door was completely blacked out. I was the first to step up to the door, and therefore was the first one in. I tentatively pulled the door open, stepped in, and then Now I’ve read 50 Shades of Grey, but I can honestly say that I wasn’t prepared for some of the *ahem* toys that were on display. At one point I asked The Beau if something was a dog toy and he proceeded to tell me what exactly it was a toy for. After the initial shock factor, I came to my senses and tried to play it cool. I didn’t want to be one of those uppity snobs and I didn’t want to make Mrs. Lovebird (even more) uncomfortable, so I did the only thing that seemed sensible. I channeled my inner child and pressed every single button that said “Try Me!” Let me just say, some people get very creative with the toys they invent.
Needless to say it was a highly informative shopping experience, but I was relieved when we left. The whole experience was kind of like going to a library when you can’t read: lots of stuff to look at, but not a whole lot to understand.
Anyway, I sure do hope that Mr. and Mrs. Lovebird are getting ample use out of the item in their “discreet brown bag.”