Be Open

This weekend I met up with a dear friend of mine, Licentious Litigator.  We went to lunch and gossiped about all things girly (namely boys and how icky they are).

And then I couldn’t use the bathroom for two hours after him. Gross….

Licentious Litigator is one of those lucky few who met her boyfriend back in college and they’ve been living happily ever after since then.  However, not all of her friends have had the same luck (enter into evidence as Exhibit A: Deviant Dater’s accounts of online dating).

Licentious has another friend who recently dipped her toe in the online dating scene, but quickly became overwhelmed by how underwhelming the man-pool is.  And honestly, I can see why she would feel that way.  Everyone who tries online dating experiences that feeling at least once or twice in the process.

Nope, nope, nope, not you.  Definitely not you.  NO WAY!  Ugh.....
Nope, nope, nope, not you. Definitely not you. NO WAY! Ugh…..

I decided to offer up some advice to Licentious, without her asking, since I am basically a wealth of knowledge on online dating (yeah right).  Really, it’s mostly that I received advice when I was first starting out, and I want Licentious to be able to pass along information that I’ve learned, in the hopes that I could help her friend.

Licentious Litigator and I talked the matter over and realized that her friend was probably putting too much emphasis on finding The One.  Online dating, and indeed dating in general, doesn’t really work that way.  You can have a checklist (I had my own checklist of The Perfect Mate), but the number one thing I learned about online dating was that you have to be open to straying from your list.

Sometimes you have to just overlook the deal breakers.

Now, I’m not saying that you should settle for someone.  That’s not what I think at all. You just need to be open.  Don’t be overly focused on finding The One.  That puts a lot of pressure on the dates you go on, which means you and your date probably won’t have a good time.  Think of online dating as something you’re doing for a fun experience, not as something you’re doing to plan for the rest of your life.

That being said, if you’re online dating specifically to find a spouse, then you should check out the more specially geared websites that better suite your ideals (post to come on this matter soon).  I definitely wouldn’t recommend a free dating website if you’re only looking for a serious relationship.

Buy me a ring, b-buy me a ring.

Licentious Litigator and I agree that online dating is a really great way to expose yourself to a huge pool of potential mates, provided that you maintain an open mind and are willing to try new things.  Just don’t put too much pressure on having to spend the rest of your life with someone just because you liked their profile.

That time starts with online dating.
That time starts with online dating.

3 thoughts on “Be Open

  1. I definitely agree about openness. When I first started online dating, I did not quite know what I was looking for in a romantic partner “i.e. the One” and it has changed through experience. Obviously, there are some lines which can’t be crossed no matter what (racism and misogyny among others). Sometimes, you can be pleasantly surprised by what you discover about the person and yourself.


  2. Pingback: The Boyfriend List | Online Dating of a Sexual Deviant

  3. Pingback: How Online Dating Changed My Life Part Two: What I Look For | Online Dating of a Sexual Deviant

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