From the Mouths of Babes– The Talking Dick


From the Mouths of Babes 2

The Talking Dick

When Deviant asked me to write for her, I knew exactly which online dating story I would share.  In fact, it was kind of a no-brainer.

I met this girl online and we’d been seeing each other for a while.  She seemed mostly normal.  She had a job and her own place.  Mostly emotionally and mentally stable.  But, as we all do, she had a few quirks.

After a couple of dates, we decided to get naked together and see how we worked in the bedroom.  That’s when things got weird.  Not like kinky weird.  More like off the wall weird.  We were laying in bed having just fooled around, when suddenly she grabbed my penis, looked at it, and goes, “It looks like a mouth!”  She then proceeded to lightly squeeze my dick to make it look “like it’s talking.”

Now, that in and of itself wasn’t so bad.  But then she started voice acting for my penis.  With a British accent.  Ok, so at least I have a sophisticated dick.  I thought I would humor her (because there seemed to be some chemistry).  So I essentially started having a conversation with my dick.

The penis said, “‘ello!”  So I responded with, “Sup?”  After a slight pause, the penis responded with, “Me!  Teeheehee!”

Right.  That happened.  And then, to make matters worse, the chick (who I now realize wasn’t exactly “normal”) started talking about designing “cute little outfits” for penises and starting a “penis costume” line.  Yes, you read that correctly.  A penis costume line.  Because a talking dick wasn’t bad enough, now she wanted to play “dress up” with my penis.  Play dress up with my penis.  Right…

–The Talking Dick

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