The other night I decided I wanted Chinese food. So I checked my bank account and realized that I could either order Chinese food or buy groceries.
Let’s be honest, it only took me 2 minutes of debating to decide to order the Chinese food. I mean, there’s a reason why I’m poor and fat, you guys. But I figured if I ordered enough, I could divide it up for left overs and have more than one meal.
I decided to order 2 dishes; a meat and a veggie dish. Then toss in some good fried stuff, because what’s Chinese food if there’s nothing greasy and fried involved? Yummmmmm! Since I opted into eating unhealthy stuff, I walked to pick up the food. Okay, so I drove to the strip mall where the restaurant is, but I parked on the complete opposite side of the parking lot and walked that distance. That has to count for something, right?
So after I pick up my food (wearing a hoodie and dark glasses so they wouldn’t recognize me as that fat girl who orders Chinese food regularly), I trek back to my car and drive home. Sitting in traffic, I’m day dreaming about the subtle spiciness of the General Tso’s chicken and the sweetness of the eggplant dish that I’ve ordered. The smell is permeating the air of my car and I start drooling thinking about dinner. Why did I skip lunch that day???
Even though I’m starving, I plan to be responsible and divide up the dishes I got into containers so I have enough for 4 dinners. I’m thinking that’s going to be responsible of me. But once I get home and I open the bag, the scent of delicious, artery clogging food gets to me and I start stuffing food uncontrollably into my mouth. Hey, I skipped lunch, remember?
As I’m chowing down on an egg roll, I realize that they put not one, not two, but THREE fortune cookies into the sack. And I just stare at them. All three of them. Suddenly they grow mouths and start chanting, “Fatso. Fatso. Fatso.”
Good grief! Have I ordered enough food for three people? The Chinese restaurant clearly thinks so. And then I have an emotional breakdown because the Chinese restaurant just fat shamed me by subtly pointing out that the food I ordered is definitely enough for three people. Darn them and their fortune cookie shaming!