Up high! Down low! Too slow….

Yes, the high five.  It is the epitome of the “bro” celebratory moment.  Win at pool?  High five!  Shotgun a beer? High five!  Get a girl’s number?  High five!

Duuuude! We just crossed the street!  Yeah!

It is NOT the appropriate greeting when you meet someone on a first date.  I’m not your bro; I’m not even your friend yet.  If you really feel like greeting someone for the first time with a high five, I’m going to assume it’s a “YEAH!  You’re waaaaaaaaaay better looking than your profile let on!” kind of moment.  And you’d better hope that that’s what I’m thinking.  Otherwise, I’m just gonna leave you hangin’.

Honestly, I have nothing against high fives.  In fact, I’m a big fan.  But the high five needs to be used in the RIGHT situation.  You need to share a moment and bond over something.

Some examples of proper high five moments:

  • “Yeah!  We totally just creamed that other couple who challenged us to bar pool!  High five!”
    • Or any time you win a competition with your date.
  • “Your Hogwarts House is Gryffindor, too?  High five!”
    • Or any other obscure thing you have in common.
  • “Yes!  Last two tickets for the premiere of The Hunger Games!  High five!”
    • Or any other time you achieve something just in the nick of time.
  • “We just built a blanket fort and are now sitting in it while watching Netflix and eating the Chinese food we ordered in! High five!”
    • Or any other time you take a gamble on veering from the traditional date idea and it goes over really well.

When not to high five:

  •  “You’re allergic to cats, too?  High five!”
Yeah, no.
Yeah, no.

I went out with a guy who didn’t really understand the proper rules of high fiving.  He high-fived me for every little thing.  Not only was it awkward, but it got really old, really fast:

  • “You’re getting whipped cream on your caramel Frappuccino? High five!”
  • “You’re awkward, too?  High five!”
  • “You drive a Ford Focus?  I drive a Ford Focus! High five!”
  • “What?  You have a real, grown-up job??  High five!”
  • “You’re a VIRGIN?  ME TOO!  Double high five!!!”

Yep, none of those are really high five moments.  If you high five too often for non-high-five-worthy things, then you cheapen the value of the high five.  Can’t you go 10 minutes without trying to high five me?  Clearly not.

The high five is a work of art.  A lot of times you can’t just start high fiving someone unless you really have a feel for the things they appreciate.  Once you’ve gone out enough, you’ll start to get a feeling for what the other person deems as “High Five Worthy” and can really bring the high five into your relationship.  Until then, stick to the above mentioned times that are okay for high fives.

And in case you’re wondering, at the end of that date, when he went in for a kiss, I went with the much better (slightly sarcastic), “Awesome date!  High five!” move before getting in my car and driving away.

And as I drove away, I gave myself one of these for escaping that disaster.
And as I drove away, I gave myself one of these for escaping that disaster.

6 thoughts on “Up high! Down low! Too slow….

  1. Heather

    There are exactly two cases in which I’ve high fived a guy after sex. After the first time, the guy ended up being my boyfriend. The second time I did it, things didn’t really pan out. I’d say in that scenario, a high five has a 50% success rate.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. :)

    A have a couple things I want to say, so I’m going to do a list.

    1. I love that you used a Michael Scott gig in your post! The office is the best.

    2. You are super funny, and I love reading your blog. I hope you get whatever you want from this experience.

    3. Lastly, how could you date a superman fan?


    1. I ask myself this question every time he pulls out his wallet. Or duct tapes something. Or takes off his work shirt to reveal one (of several) Superman t-shirts. I realize it’s a major downfall, but I’m trying to overlook it for his redeeming qualities. Like the fact that he is trying to grow a handlebar mustache.


  3. Bam

    Anthony and I still high five often (in your honor). Although sometimes the people around is think we’re weird.

    Although, now that I think about it, that may not be because of the high fiving….


  4. Pingback: How Online Dating Changed My Life Part Two: What I Look For | Online Dating of a Sexual Deviant

  5. Pingback: Happy Anniversary! | Online Dating of a Sexual Deviant

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