Percent Match


My job requires me to work with a large population of Saudi Arabian students.  In many ways they are wonderful (for example, today they bought me a plate loaded with sweets because they know how to please the fat girl).  In other ways, it shocks me how conservative they are.  It shouldn’t really, because there are lots of conservative people in the world, including right here in the US.

Recently, one of these students came to me to tell me that there is a rumor floating around the student population that I am a lesbian.  She then proceeded to tell me about how it was a terrible thing and how it’s not natural, etc.  I didn’t really know what to say, so I just listened to her rant before going back to work.  (I really wanted to say, “Oh, honey, you just have no idea how much of a lesbian I’m not…”)

That being said, this rumor probably exists because I have a Facebook wife.  And let me just say, I definitely married up.  My wife is a total babe: she’s smart, she’s funny, she’s creative, and she’s successful.  This week I had date night with my wife and she took me scotch tasting downtown.  See?  Definitely married up.  We tied the knot back in college on the quad in an LGBT Club fundraiser and made it Facebook official, as all important relationships are for those people under the age of 30.

We’ve been married for about 7 years now.  Hey, that’s a lot longer than many other marriages in the US.  Although on average, people who divorce have marriages lasting 8-9 years.  But we still have a very healthy relationship, which means nothing to worry about.  We regularly go out on dates.  She gives me romantic poetry books, I bring her chocolates.  We respect each other, communicate well, and enjoy spending time together.  In short, we have a beautiful marriage that any couple could be jealous of.

Recently I convinced my beautiful wife to sign up for some online dating.  Being as gorgeous as she is, she of course was hit up for dates quite quickly.  (I’m telling you guys, she’s a babe.)  But really, she could get a man to ask her out even if the male sex were extinct and we females were desperately trying to reincarnate them (for reproduction purposes only… Zombie sex, maybe it’s a thing).

For fun, my wife and I looked each other up to see how excellent of a match we would be, since we have such a fabulous marriage.  It came as quite a surprise when we were only a 38% match and were 36% enemies.  ENEMIES?!?!?!  But how is that possible?  We are clearly perfect for each other!  We have a thriving marriage.  Clearly this site LIES to us!

Or maybe it’s just that we look for different things when we seek out people specifically for a relationship, instead of first becoming friends and then falling into a relationship.  I’m not sure which route is better.  I’m sure they both have their ups and downs.  But what I have realized is that maybe I shouldn’t put too much faith in these percent matches I see online, because I could end up missing out on someone really great.  After all, I might have missed out on my wife if I had known we were 36% enemy before we got married.

Perfect Match

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3 thoughts on “Percent Match

  1. Pingback: Facebook Status | Online Dating of a Sexual Deviant

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