How soon is too soon?


Okay, so if you guys have been keeping your eye on the time line, you might have figured out that the wedding I received a plus one for is TOMORROW. I RSVP’d for 2, you know, thinking positively, so I am bringing someone. However it created this ridiculous mental dilemma for me.

How soon is too soon to invite a guy to a wedding? This question leads to an even further dissection of the situation. You have to take into consideration friend wedding vs. family wedding; location; venue; the other guests.  After some careful contemplation, this is what I decided would be some good guidelines to follow (of course you also have to base your decision on the feeling as well.)

  • For a wedding for an obscure acquaintance/colleague/semi-close friend you have not seen in 10+ years (in other words, a wedding you aren’t sure why you were invited to), within a 50 mile radius, at a venue that does not require overnight stay, a minimum of 5 good dates is required.
  • For a wedding for close colleagues/friends within a 2 hour drive at a venue that does not require overnight stay, a minimum of 10 good dates is required.
  • For a wedding for family/best friend, any wedding that is more than 2 hours drive time, or may require overnight stay, then a minimum of 15 dates, repeated overnight stays, or official relationship status (one of the three) is required.

In my particular case, this is a family wedding that is an 8 hour drive away, and clearly requires overnight stay.  Yeah.  I’m bringing my roommate.  I guess it’s not a mystery why my father (and possibly the rest of my family) thinks I’m a lesbian.

I thought that even if I asked one of the guys I’d been out with a couple times and felt comfortable with, it just wasn’t long enough.  But how soon is too soon to ask someone to ride in a car for 8 hours after a full day of work on Friday, attend a wedding for my second cousin that I haven’t seen in over 10 years, meet and stay with my dysfunctional family*, and then get back in the car for 8 more hours on Sunday before going back to work for a week?  I’m pretty sure even after I’m married for 2 years, I’ll still think it’s too soon to ask my husband to do that.

*Note: Everyone’s family is dysfunctional to outsiders.  I don’t care how “normal” you think your family is, outsiders generally see the crazy right away.  And in my case, this particular side of my family is your stereotypic Italian American family.  We’re loud and fat because we’re always eating delicious food (sooooo delicious) and we hug everyone.  There aren’t that many of us, but it seems like there are, especially if you look in the kitchen and see how much food my grandmother is making.
“Grandma, are we having a party tonight?”
“No.”
“Then why are you making three turkeys for Thanksgiving?”
“Because you know there will be 14 of us here for dinner!  The turkeys were only 16 pound birds.  I thought I should get three just in case.  I’m also making extra potatoes and two types of stuffing so everyone has enough to eat.”
We show love through food and full body hugs.  Some people just don’t get that.  In 2007, I brought a male friend to their house (just a friend, honest!) and my grandmother, TO THIS DAY, refers to him as “that boy who doesn’t eat.”

I suppose that now that the wedding has come, I don’t need to keep subjecting myself to this online dating world, but to be honest, I just love the bad stories I get out of it!  Maybe I’ll even have a proper date lined up for the NEXT wedding (for a close friend in Boston in 2015).

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