What to wear

As we’ve already made clear, I tend to freak out about my outfit before dates. In fact, I’m one of those girls who tries on a million different things, tosses the rejects onto a mountain on the bed, and then ends up wearing the first thing I tried on anyway. It doesn’t just happen in movies. Oh no. It was happening on a nightly occurrence in my life.



On top of that, several of my friends were asking me how I remembered what outfit I wore with each man. I’m pretty sure I never wore the same thing twice with one guy, but to be honest, I can’t be one hundred percent positive…. Gosh, I hope none of them are thinking “This girl is so poor she can’t afford more than one outfit!” (Though maybe then they’ll feel especially sorry for me and ask to take me out to dinner again just to ensure that I’m getting regular meals….)

Now that I’ve been dating for a couple weeks (and I’ve become quite the professional), I’ve devised a fool proof system to avoid duplicate outfits: I wear the same thing on every single first date I go on. It doesn’t matter if we’re going to dinner, playing miniature golf, seeing a movie, or going to the shooting range. I will wear the same thing every time. Then, if there’s a second date, I’ll wear my second date outfit and on the third date, my third date outfit.  So on and so forth.

It’s an excellent system, though there is one major flaw: I inevitably end up spilling food on myself.  Really, you can dress me up pretty, but you can’t take me anywhere.  My boobs are food magnets.  Any other curvy woman can tell you how difficult it is.  Boobs form an obstacle between the mouth and the table and for some reason, food does not know enough to go around, choosing instead to land directly on them.  Not so attractive.

If any of my dates are dinner dates, I’ll have to be sure to wear a bib so my first date outfit can still be clean for the first date I have the following night (which I’ll need, since I made a fool of myself spilling food all over my chest.)


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