There is something nice about this whole crazy world of overly sexual online daters (I mean, once you get past the propositions, dick pics, and creepers). And that something is a decided ego boost.
I log on to my profile and what do you know, I’ve shown up in 2,427 searches in the past 24 hours. Yes! I really am the most desirable woman on the internet! (Well, perhaps excepting Kim Kardashian, but she takes her clothes off for pictures….) Not only have I shown up in that many searches, but 564 men like me! Oh yeah. You can’t escape my attractiveness. It’s got to be the puppy picture. I knew men couldn’t say no to a puppy picture.
Although, if truth be told, some of these men are kind of needy. It’s like they need constant attention. I am at work so why are you texting me ALL DAY LONG and wondering why I’m not answering? I’m flattered that you constantly need me and all, but I’m sorry, I work with international students, and they are already needy enough to deal with. Not to mention that I am the resident office Copy Machine Whisperer. Please take a ticket and stand in line, because I’m an highly in-demand woman.
On top of the neediness that all men seem to exhibit (until you’re actually going to meet them in person and then they all seem to cancel at the last minute), there’s the trickiness of having to juggle all these different men at one time. I mean, trying to keep Nick, Shawn, Ryan, and Justin separate is nearly impossible. They all like dogs, exercising, and pleasing women. It’s like chatting up a bunch of 90’s boy band members. I haven’t met a Howie yet, but when I do, I’m pretty sure I’m tossing in the towel and breaking out my old CD collection and going back to planning my wedding to Jonathan Taylor Thomas (so he’s a vegetarian… You overlook things when it comes to true love, right?)
But in all seriousness, I’m going to need a spreadsheet to keep each guy straight. Names, screen names, hobbies, likes, dislikes, jobs, location, etc. Maybe this is what I get for trying to talk to so many men at once, but isn’t that the point of online dating? Sample the whole population? It’s like going to the ice cream shop and asking to taste a couple flavors before you choose the one you want on your triple decker cone. After the second or third taste, though, all the flavors start blending together. Maybe I should just order a banana split with three different flavors.
Let’s be honest, eating an entire banana split by myself would probably just make me sick. So for now I guess I’ll just stick with sampling the flavors until I find the one I like best, and basking in the attentions of all these men who simply can’t survive without me in their “virtual” lives.