The First Date Invitation


Oh.  My.  Gosh.  It happened. A guy I’ve been messaging asked me out. He asked me out! AHHH!  Since we’ve been chatting and he seems like a nice guy (plus he looks cute in his pictures) I’ll say okay.

Holy cow, I said okay.  I just told a random stranger that I don’t even know that I would meet him in real life.  My parents would kill me if they knew I did that!

Great…  Now I’m having flash-backs to middle school when they warned us about meeting people from the internet.  Oh God, what if I get kidnapped and sold into slavery… or worse?  I’ve watched enough crime shows on TV to know this happens.  CSI would never lie to me!  What if I end up as an episode of Law and Order SVU??  I can’t think about that.  Don’t do it; don’t go there.

Oh, man…  What if he wants to have sex?  What will I do if he wants to have sex?  People who don’t know me don’t understand my personal decisions.  Heck, people who DO know me don’t understand my personal decisions.  He probably didn’t search my profile deeply enough to know that I’m saving myself until marriage.  He’s just some random guy I met online.  He probably just wants to have casual sex.  Why else would a good looking guy try to meet people online?  Why else would a good looking guy try to meet ME online????

But what if he doesn’t want to have sex?  What if he takes one look at me and goes screaming in the opposite direction?  What if he finds me utterly repellant?  How embarrassing would that be???  I know I’m not nearly as pretty as most girls.  I’m too fat and my eyes are too squinty and my hair is too frizzy and etc… etc…  Gaaaaahhhh…  What if he sees me and says, “You don’t look like you do in your profile picture.  You’re fat!”

Ugh, stop it.  Just stop it.  I am beautiful as a package deal.  I might not be skinny, but I’ve got curves.  My eyes squint because I smile so much.  My hair might be frizzy in the humidity, but the summer sun brings out the natural blonde and red highlights.  And maybe he likes my personality and isn’t a shallow jerk.

I want him to want to have sex with me!  I just don’t want him to voice that desire out loud.  And I definitely don’t want him to act on that desire.  I just want that desire to exist!

Maybe I should cancel.  I can’t deal with the nerves.  I’ve spent the past 4 hours freaking out about this.  I didn’t even eat lunch because I felt ill.  I can’t concentrate on work because I’m too worried about what to wear (a dress? jeans? it’s raining, maybe rain boots?)  Every time I think I’ve decided, I change my mind.  We’re just going out for a drink.  Speaking of, I didn’t eat lunch, so probably I shouldn’t drink anything.  Although, what if he is one of those guys who insists that you have a drink if he is?  If I do drink something, it should be a cocktail because beer makes me bloated and I don’t want to be bloated on the first date.

Oh my gosh, how am I supposed to greet him?!?!?!  Do we shake hands?  Do I smile and say hi?  Do we hug??  No, no hugging.  I don’t hug on the first date.  There’s waaaaay too much boob surface area for hugging on the first date.  No way am I letting a guy I don’t know get enveloped in all my woman squishiness.  That’s probably more of a second date thing.  WHAT IF HE WANTS TO HAVE A SECOND DATE????  That would be so awesome.  And then we could hug!  But what if he goes in for a hug tonight?  Do I hug-block him?  Do I do the awkward sideways, one-armed hug?  Or do I just go with the full frontal, boob squishing hug?

And seriously, what am I going to wear?????

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